The night before

We're in the hotel room in Nashville. It's 8:30 on a Friday night, and we're all tucked in bed, Austin in the middle of my husband and I. The lights are out, but we're all awake. My husband isn't too thrilled but I'm insistant on the lights out, TV off thing. Austin needs rest.

Austin, unlike hubby, IS thrilled. He's thrilled to be in a hotel and thrilled to be in bed with us. He's slept in his crib since the day we brought him home from the hospital, poor baby! The only time he sleeps with us is if he's sick. This isn't for philosophical reasons so much. It's because when he was a tiny baby, I was terrified one of us would squish him, then when he got older, he was a kicker. Before anyone reading this tries to tell me not sleeping with him caused his issues, I never let him cry it out, held him all day long long, and then rocked him until he fell asleep at night- now someone else will probably tell me THAT caused his issues -- Bring It. (Ha see, I still have some defensive issues to work through, even though I like to ACT all cool like the jerks of the world can't bother me) Anyway, Austin had a great day exploring Nashville, and is just too excited to settle.

For a while, we play, I tickle him, we play "this little piggy" with daddy, then he "names" the parts of my face "geegoo" he says, pointing to my forehead, "gee" is my cheek, and also my nose, then he points to my eye and says "eye!" That makes my night. It's the first time he's ever labeled anything that clearly. It calls for celebration.

Finally though, I know I have to get tough about settling him down. The appointment is in the morning, and the last thing I need is him tired and cranky.

"Austin, lay down" He complies, giggling like crazy. "No more" I say in my best firm voice. "time for sleep, close your eyes" I turn and face away from him to drive the point home. He pops up. I sigh. It's now 9:00 "AUSTIN LAY DOWN" I don't yell it, but now it's in my sternest mommy tone. He leans over, kisses the back of my head, and then lays down. He curls up close to me, puts his little hand on my shoulder, and pats gently.

30 seconds later, he's totally out.

I stare out into the darkness. My husband and I talk a little. He's trying to distract me from tomorrow with small talk, it's not working. I love him so much, but I'm so wrapped up in all this that I'm not always good at showing him. I don't know how he's handled being with me over this past year, and sometimes I worry that he won't be able to keep handling it. I tell him this, he tells me he loves me even though I'm beyond over dramatic.

Soon, my husband is snoring, and I stare some more. In fact, I stare at the ceiling until the alarm clock goes off at 7:30am.